Season 4: The Hailers win the league!

Hochland Hailers  – Deathmare Broncos

TD 2-1

CAS 1-4

The Great Final had finally arrived! Fans swarmed the Aldorf Oldbowl to watch the epic showdown between the best team in the regular season, the Hochland Hailers, and the winner of the Orcidas Best Team award, combining best defense and best offense! Fans of both team were awarded the same amount of seats, filling half the stadium, while the other half was reserved for the general public and VIP as with any event of this category.

Match started with an offensive drive for the Hailers. The human team quickly showed they were on edge and Rob Roy, in one of his worst performances, lost the ball to the crowd. Luckily for them, it was friendly fans that tossed it right back. After that, the first half was uphill for the humans, having to recover the lost ground. Matters only became worst as the vicious werewolves, the towering golems and the hard astrogranite floor of the Reikland Reavers home stadium started working their magic. First it was Tom Collins, leaving the pitch in a stretcher. Then Juan Collins. The Hailers seemed powerless against the Broncos. Their punches lacked strength. Their movements were clumsy. Their tactics were unimaginative. It was as if the powerful necromancer coaching the Broncos had used dark magics to numb the usual stars for the Hailers.

All of the above, of course, against a team that showed no signs of stress and stood their ground. Something, we are told, quite normal when you are an animated corpse. However, the Hailers had something in their favour. They were a team. And, when the usual leaders were unable to carry the team, the second line took over. That had not been foreseen by the Broncos who stood by, as a lineman sneaked through a melee near the end zone and scored at the end of the half! In their defense, nobody really believed Gilius the Bret could actually pick up and score, much less their own team members who thought he was, once again, running away at the first sign of trouble. The referee had to check the Cavalvision images several times before finally awarding the touchdown.

The Broncos were up in players but down in touchdowns so they decided to go for a quick score, to press their advantage further. Despite the Hailers desperate attempt to pin down Terrell Deadvis, the magically enhanced ghoul escaped his pursuers and with a beautifully executed pass, gave the ball to Eddie Smack who scored the equaliser, taking the lead for the Spike! PLayer of the Season trophy.

The Hailers had the rest of the second half to win the game and, to be fair, they did a poor job at it. Scrambling a cage, they tried to push forward but failed. The cage got broken. The defense line crumbled. And Rob Roy was taken down by Ron the Golem who stole the ball. The rest of the Broncos moved in to finish off the match and the Hailers. And it was that point, when all seemed lost for the humans, that Alexei Taalichev, the drunken kislevite catcher decided enough was enough.

“In Soviet Kislev, catcher takles you!” he screamed while headbutting the twice as big Ron Smidge to the ground. Whether the golem fell to a sudden surge of strength from the puny catcher or his stinking vodka breath,we will never know. The ball bounced wildly with all players trying desperately to get it, much like a bunch of bretonnian peasants trying to get a running chicken for supper. Erdred Naubhoff, this season’s surprise star for the human team, snatched it and run 50 yards like his life depended on it (and given the murderous werewolves running after him, it did) to the end zone. Only a lone zombie stood between the blitzer and the touchdown, the victory and untold glory. Erdred run the foul undead down and scored, giving the Hailers the title!

The Hailer players could not believe it. “Almost as good as murdering Helmut” said Tom Collins with tears in his eyes. “A dream come true” exclaimed Captain Rob Roy exultant. “If the city guards ask, you haven’t seen me” muttered Gilius the Bret running out through the sewers before the award ceremony. Gilius was, perhaps, not the hero the Hailers deserved. But he was, without doubt, the one they needed.

Season 4: Semi Finals!

Hochland Hailers – Aldorf Masterchefs

TD 2-0
CAS 5-6

The semifinal started in tragedy. Chef Butterfat was murdered by the Buccaneers (the Hailers’ fan club) due to a disagreement over the recipe used for Gruyden Pie. While the referees awarded a posthumous moral victory to the halfling cook, the Hailers avoided being sidetracked by food during the game, which proved instrumental in their victory.

First half saw the Hailers attacking through one side of the pitch, to get out of reach of the slow paced treemen. The Hailers tactic was clear. Run to the endzone and spend the rest of the half hunting halflings. No plan survives the enemy, though, specially if the enemy are 90cm violent psycopaths high on sugar. The little buggers had a well deserved reputation and soon the Hailers felt the pressure from their so called “welcome committees”, who made sure any Hailer on the ground would be welcomed into the dugouts. Seeing the carnage, Rob Roy scored and decided to test his team’s mettle defending for most of the game.

In attack, the halflings held their own surprisingly well. And by holding their own, we mean holding to tree branches with their small fat arms like their overweight bodies were in mortal danger, which, to be fair, they were. The Hailers tried to hit them by jumping and kicking, unsuccessfully. Just before the clock signaled half time, halfling star (some say he has more potential than Puggy!) Iradal Greenbottle flew high and far for the touchdown. Unfortunately not far enough and despite running for his life (quite literally, again) he was intercepted 3 paces from the endzone by John Collins. Interesting story, it was later revealed both Collin brothers were poisoned by the Masterchefs with a concoction of several sugary supplements. While it worked on Juan, making him unable to hit a single halfling during the game due to double vision, John spent the game near his dugout and kept eating, which allowed him to intercept the halfling in the last second.

The lack of sweet, tasty distractions during half time punished the Masterchefs and helped the Hailers keep their focus. Alexei Taalychev, the Hailer’s sweeper stole the ball at the beginning of the half and camped at the end zone, while his teammates stood their ground facing towering treemen and rabid, yet cute, halflings. By the end of the match only 4 human players remained in the field, but they had ensured a place in the Hafnia League Final!

All in all, a tough match for the Hailers, who had not received such a beating since their semifinal last season. They learned three important lessons: Believe in yourself. Don’t underestimate the enemy. And lastly, maybe people with dendrophobia have a good point!

Season 4: Quarter Finals!

Hochland Hailers – The Black Plague

TD 2-1
CAS 5-1

With Glart Sr. solidly grounded on the Dweller’s roster, hoping to hack away at the upcoming match against the Broncos, the Black Plague coach turned to the next best thing: His son. His son, being a clever little (b)rat found the perfect match for the team: Glart Jr.! The young Glart quickly made clear he was as dangerous as his forebearrat by flatting out the always dangerous Tom Collins as soon as the match started. The bite was so severe that the eldest Collins brother will miss the semifinals with a fractured leg!

Unfortunately for the Black Plague, Glart Jr. does not have the common sense of his father. Beelining towards the Hailers defense without backup is never a good idea and he was quickly put out of action. Beauford Bill, the Plague’s rat ogre was supposed to support him and charge the Hailer’s line, but instead he spent the whole match gnawing a huge bone he had found on the field. Claims regarding the Hailers  prepping the bone with a new powerful and extremely addictive drug could not be proven as Beauford killed anyone trying to get a sample of the bone and scurried away, never to be seen again. It is doubtful his team mates will miss him.

From there on, the match became a replay of the previous season clash. While the humans were unable to stop the lightning fast Duke of Feta, they run down the clock (and the opposing skaven players) for a 2-1 victory. Rob Roy explained the key to his team’s victory at the end of the match: “Ribbit. Ribbit-ribbit. Ribbit”. While his transformation to a huge toad like creature has not helped his rethorics, we can only agree with him. Basically, because we don’t know what he means and he looks hungry!

Regular season 4 prices!

“… And that seems to be the reason behind the bad blood between these two players, Jim!”

“I am not sure I believe it, Bob. Which woman on their sane mind would prefer Zug over Griff?”

“She is an ogre, Jim.”

“Oh well, what do I know. You all look like snacks to me. On other news, the Hafnia League has finished their regular season. Let’s look at who were the best teams!

…..

Best Offense Trophy (Orcidas) and Best Defense Trophy (Orcidas)
Winner: Deathmare Broncos
Runner-up: Hochland Hailers

The Broncos are clearly the best team in the league, now having claimed all three different trophies in the past two seasons. While some allegations remain regarding their last match where they beat the Hailers on both metrics, nobody can deny the Broncos are destined for greatness and can adapt in all facets of the game. Whether it is a quick touchdown, an adamant defense, dragging the clock or just a good old beating of the adversary, these guys can do anything they set their minds to. And, while still not a Hafnia champion, it really looks like this season can be it for them!

Bloodweiser Team of the year
Winner: Bloodmoon Beserkerz
Runner-up: Aldorf Master Chefs

The Beserkerz (or Berserkez, as they themselves keep misspelling their name. Orcs, you know) were very disappointed last year when they were not considered the most violent team in Hafnia League. Apparently, biting, dismembering and eating members of the public did not count! So, this season, they decided to put their homicidal skills to use solely in the pitch and as the 27 casualties can tell you (well, not 5 of them as they are dead), it has worked like a charm! Special mention to the Aldorf Master Chefs. The clever use of pies, hotdogs and fried chicken buckets to conceal high caliber weapons has quickly made them one of the most fearsome teams in the league!

Season 2: Match 5&6

The Hailers spent the holidays season travelling to Lustria, far away from Empire lands to play their final 2 games of the season. The local sponsors had selected the Aristocratic Lizards for the first game, as a warm up to the long awaited clash between the Hailers and the Harrowbay Harpies and their usual hire Helmut Wulff.

Hochland Hailers – Aristocratic Lizards
TD 3-0
CAS 1-1

The Lizards had had a rough season and their last match against the Broncos had left them out of play-offs and hardly being able to field a full team. After a gentlemen’s agreement, both teams took it as an exhibition match sporting crazy tackles into the crowd, vicious gang fouls, outlandish ball play and even fireballs! without real damage to any of the teams. The match ended 3-0 to the Hailers but the real winner was the crowd, happy with the show and ready to see the clash between the Hailers and their chainsaw wielding nemesis.

Hochland Hailers – Harrowbay Harpies
TD 2-1
CAS 3-1
The coin was favorable to the Harpies who started a strong drive pushing their male counterparts around and sending Gilius the Bret to the infirmary. Apparently some of his pre-match comments on Twittelf regarding the place of women in Blood Bowl was not to the liking of the amazon players and they made it clear to him, along with Bechilda and Ellene, two Hailer players that joined the lynching. However, the main bulk of the Hailers were unimpressed and, clearly uninterested. All the ex-Bomber players had one target only. Helmut Wulff. Ignoring the ball, they proceeded to pin down the veteran (and raving mad) star player and once they were done with him the world had one less freebooter and the Harpies were leading by 1-0.

Undeterred by the result, the Hailers spent the rest of the match controlling the clock, scoring at the end of the first and second half. They managed to keep the Harpies at (Harrow)bay, despite the amazon warriors going on a frenzy and practicing ritual “snu-snu” execution to T. Slammer, by throwing him on the floor and, apparently, gang fouling him. The Hailer’s Ogre survived mostly unscathed. His Stand Firm skill really helped him endure the amazons, despite several mighty blows from dirty players.

Despite a shaky beginning, the Hailers have managed to match last season TD and CAS numbers and are good candidates for leading the regular season with a 5-1-0 score. Question is: Will this be enough for the title?