Season 2: Match 4

Hochland Hailers – Aldorf Eagles

TD 3-1
CAS 2-0

The match had been dubbed as “The Mother of all Rivalries” or “Better than a Reaver vs Marauders clash!” by the local newspapers… Showing both the limited reach of the aforementioned papers and the lack of writing talent in that particular area of the Empire. Still, the Emperor’s subjects enjoyed a good old Blood Bowl match between two human teams like in good old times, and not the amalgam of races, plays and body odors that skulked the pitch nowadays.

The Hailers had the experience. It was the third season for some of their stars and the rumour was their owner would pull them from the backwater tournaments they were paddling through and into some of the majors, in order to keep the stars and the team. The team had shown promise and several investors were interested. They just needed to make a good season to make sure the deals didn’t fall through.

The Eagles, on the other hand, had taken the Hafnia tournament by storm. On their first season, they had plowed through some of the league’s iconic teams and led the ranking for play-offs taking away many of the waivering Hailer fans. The newspapers had one thing right: The winner of this match would be the leading team for all the human fans following the Hafnia league! Which, of course, wasn’t that many.

The game started with a good offense by the Eagles who changed plays several times during their drive and seemed to enter with several balls in the pitch to throw the Hailers off. However, the Hailers didn’t win last year’s best defense because they bribed the jury. Or, more accurately, not *only* because of that. The Collin brothers managed to take down one of the catchers being used as a decoy who turned out to be the one with the real ball much to his surprise. The Eagles were unable to stop them, and the Collins scored the first touchdown.

Scoring on defense was exactly the kind of gritty, slow-paced stalling game the Hailers wanted and the second half played right into their tactic, scoring twice more. Before the end of the second half the Eagles, who much to their merit had not given up, scored a last touchdown for the final 3-1 score, showing a bigger gap than what was really seen on the field, according to Toll the Troll, the Cavalvision reporter covering the match: “One team better than the other, say ya? Nah. Couldn’t tell’em apart, really. They all look tasty to me.” he mentioned while munching on a fan wearing a “Make Blood Bowl Great again” cap.

Season 2: Match 3

Hochland Hailers – Deathmarked Margueritas

TD 1-1
CAS 6-1

Stadium: The Dwarf Dome, solid stone stadium (Obsidian)

“Best offense vs Best defense!“; “Match of the season“; “Buy two snotlings, eat three!”

The media had been raging for days regarding the new match between finalist Deathmarked Margueritas, winner of the Orcidas Best Offense Award and the Hochland Hailers, winner of the Orcidas Best Defense Award.

What would happen when the Unstoppable scoring force of the Margueritas collided again with the Unmovable defense of the Hailers? The stands were tightly packed, evenly supporting both teams. All experts consulted, after long thought, agreed that it would either be a draw or a win for one of the two teams. That’s the kind of insight you get for  asking your kids.

The Margueritas had not forgotten the last time they played the Hailers and had prepared their match well. As soon as the ball was kicked, the allegedly puny elves were all over the humans, smacking them to the ground, sending them back to the dug-outs and growling like gorillas while they stomped Mr. T Slammer. The humans were taken aback. Wasn’t that supposed to be them doing that to the elves? First Half ended 1-0 to the elves, who scored easily.

Half time allowed the humans to catch their breath and the second half was a different ball game. Mainly because the Hailers had the ball and their skills with it are kind of lacking. They spent the half fending elves. Leaping elves, side stepping elves, blodging elves, magically enhanced elves… all kinds of annoying elves, really. After a slow grind up the pitch, captain Rob Roy dashed for it and score in the last second for the final 1-1.

So, Unstoppable force vs Unmovable object? Apparently, they cancel each other. Bollocks.

Season 2: Match 2

Hochland Hailers – Dwellers of the Deep

TD 2-1
CAS 7-0

(Written by Adam Skjalm-Rasmussen)

Another day, another match for the Dwellers. I, Tweek, will be covering this glorious match for the Dwellers and, uhm, uuuh, I forgot the name of the humans.
1st half shoots off with the Humans receiving the ball, and scoring within a few minutes of the half.
same deal with the rest of the match really, the Dwellers were having a nap this match, they were tired.
The Dwellers scored one TD, and honestly, this match is not even worth my time (it totally has nothing to do with the Dwellers losing this match massively)

let’s be honest, these Humans were not worth the Dwellers’ time and effort, which is why they pretended to lose (we all know the Dwellers could have won if they wanted to)

so to fill the rest of this report out, here are some highlights of my trip to Skavenblight:
I met Thanquol, who said he loved the Dwellers, and considered buying the team of Skreek the Coward
I got to pet Boneripper (he is a scary bugger)
I ate a dwarf, they are indeed as tasty as they say

Season 2: Match 1

Hochland Hailers – The Black Plague

TD 2-1
CAS 1-0

Stadium: The Emperor’s Bowl (Integrated Merchandise Stalls)

Everything was ready at the Emperor’s Bowl in Altdorf for the now traditional start of  season against the Black Plague. Fans were in a good mood and most memorabilia got sold out. After a minute of silence in honour of Blood Bowl legend Harry Kehry, deceased during the (literally) heart stopping semifinal against the running champions, the Tzeentch Chancelings, the match started.

The humans started well, pressuring the skaven and cornering them to avoid a quick touchdown. The Black Plague was unable to break free as, due to a scheduling mishap, their new player had been sacrificed at the Horned Rat altar before the season started instead of after the season started. The secretary responsible was eaten during the half time, but the damage was done. The team led by Bob Roy pushed the ratmen towards their end zone, recovered the ball and scored just before the half time in an unusually violence free half. Fans present at the stadium started to grumble.

“Oh, I am sorry” – shouted a fan to acting coach Rob Roy when they were going to the dug-outs –  “Maybe I am mistaken and we are watching an episode of My Little Ungor? That’s my Tuesdays! I am here to watch Blood Bowl!”.

Second half confirmed everyone’s fears. The Hailers without Coach Kehry were terrible. They still manage to win but it was an embarrassment as Pecorino Phil (AR6) said to Spike! after the match “I survived 7 gang fouls out there today. Shame on them, I could have fouled myself better. Don’t we think of all those tasty, yummy fans anymore?“.

Elector Count Ludenhoff continues searching for a new coach. Hailers’ fans can only hope Henry’s successor is found quickly!

Regular season prices!

“…osion destroyed the whole Creepers bench but Von Evilstein was never to be seen again. A win-win for most other teams! With this we conclude “Wait, who did what?” for today. Back to you, studio!”

“This section of the program is my favourite, Jim. Always an inspiration to see the deeds of the greatest of the greatest in this sport”

“Indeed, Bob. Speaking of which, this evening the winner of the Hafnia League regular season prices were announced! Stay with us for a short commercial break to find out who won!”

…..

Best Offense Trophy (Orcidas)
Winner: Deathmarked Margueritas
Runner-up: Deathmare Broncos
The Margueritas have mixed their passing and running game this season to become an almost unstoppable scoring machine. Displaying an uncanny ability to run away from the opposition and steal (some claim, magically) the ball in their opponent drive, the Elven Union team has shown that no ball is safe from their blitzers and no end zone too far away for a well planted long bomb to their catchers!

Best Defense Trophy (Orcidas)
Winner: Hochland Hailers
Runner-up: Deathmare Broncos
Nobody can deny the Hailers have had some trouble during the regular season. However, it is equally undeniable that, while their offensive drives have botched more often than not, their staunch, teeth gritting resolve in defense has kept them in the game! Focusing on nullifying the opponent’s offense has got them a string of tough, tactical games, counteracting their own offensive deficiencies to get a spot in play-offs!

Bloodweiser Team of the year
Winner: Deathmare Broncos
Runner-up: Bloodmoon Berserkz / Hochland Hailers
Bloodweiser cares not about winning. Only mayheim! This season has proven to be filled with violent psychotic teams willing to forego victory in order to bash more opponents, as Nuffle wills it, with up to 4 teams sharing the number of in-field casualties. However, one team has risen above the rest. Whether it is because they truly believe in Nuffle’s word or because, for them, it is just recruiting, the Deathmare Broncos have been delightfully gory this season with 5 recorded deaths!