Season 4: Semi Finals!

Hochland Hailers – Aldorf Masterchefs

TD 2-0
CAS 5-6

The semifinal started in tragedy. Chef Butterfat was murdered by the Buccaneers (the Hailers’ fan club) due to a disagreement over the recipe used for Gruyden Pie. While the referees awarded a posthumous moral victory to the halfling cook, the Hailers avoided being sidetracked by food during the game, which proved instrumental in their victory.

First half saw the Hailers attacking through one side of the pitch, to get out of reach of the slow paced treemen. The Hailers tactic was clear. Run to the endzone and spend the rest of the half hunting halflings. No plan survives the enemy, though, specially if the enemy are 90cm violent psycopaths high on sugar. The little buggers had a well deserved reputation and soon the Hailers felt the pressure from their so called “welcome committees”, who made sure any Hailer on the ground would be welcomed into the dugouts. Seeing the carnage, Rob Roy scored and decided to test his team’s mettle defending for most of the game.

In attack, the halflings held their own surprisingly well. And by holding their own, we mean holding to tree branches with their small fat arms like their overweight bodies were in mortal danger, which, to be fair, they were. The Hailers tried to hit them by jumping and kicking, unsuccessfully. Just before the clock signaled half time, halfling star (some say he has more potential than Puggy!) Iradal Greenbottle flew high and far for the touchdown. Unfortunately not far enough and despite running for his life (quite literally, again) he was intercepted 3 paces from the endzone by John Collins. Interesting story, it was later revealed both Collin brothers were poisoned by the Masterchefs with a concoction of several sugary supplements. While it worked on Juan, making him unable to hit a single halfling during the game due to double vision, John spent the game near his dugout and kept eating, which allowed him to intercept the halfling in the last second.

The lack of sweet, tasty distractions during half time punished the Masterchefs and helped the Hailers keep their focus. Alexei Taalychev, the Hailer’s sweeper stole the ball at the beginning of the half and camped at the end zone, while his teammates stood their ground facing towering treemen and rabid, yet cute, halflings. By the end of the match only 4 human players remained in the field, but they had ensured a place in the Hafnia League Final!

All in all, a tough match for the Hailers, who had not received such a beating since their semifinal last season. They learned three important lessons: Believe in yourself. Don’t underestimate the enemy. And lastly, maybe people with dendrophobia have a good point!